A frigid Morning

This morning was a rough one, it was cold. Not just any cold, it was single digit cold. Most people were inside their toasty warm beds just starting to stir when I was battling my demons. I blame no one but myself, for if I could have been inside in the warmth of my bed I assure you I would have been.

I was preparing for my venture home in the cold, my honorable Wrangler by my side to whisk me the 2.5 miles to my "estate" on top of the mountain. I inserted my key into the lock and turned, thinking I had twisted my wrist the wrong direction I reversed and went the other way. Funny I thought to my self no click notifying me of the lock being disengaged. I pull the handle thinking there must be a mistake to no avail, turning the key back the original way I pull the handle.....Nothing! OK, no problem after all I have a passenger side to unlock and I'll just unlock the driver door from the inside and be on my way. Oh what a thought, home in my warm bed to partake in my favorite activity, sleep. My boots crunching in the hardened snow I make it to the passenger side door. Turn, pull, turn, pull, the twisting and rotating useless, with nothing being achieved I sigh into the vast emptiness of the city streets at five am. My breath pouring out of me like puff the magic dragon, no fear my tail gate will work! Ah the trusty tail gate, its never failed me before when I've locked myself out of the Jeep. Though that was when I had the summer soft top on and not the hard top, never the less I insert my key and turn.

At last I am able to get into the Jeep, what success in a small battle, feeling vindicated in my efforts the reality sets in. The real work has yet to begin, the car seat I worked so hard at placing and securing this past weekend now has to be removed. Not only removed to make room for my rear seat to fold down but it has to be accomplished blindly from the behind the seat. Fondling like teenager working his first bra clasp I fuddle at the task. Accomplishing that, I fold down the seat and crawl my less than petite frame into the back of the Jeep. I still am in rather good spirits thinking the lock cylinder was just frozen and that the interior lock button would release the door and allow me in.

What kind of a story would that be if I gained easy entry? As I am sprawled out comprehending that The locks are entirely to cold to even work and begin to think of how to make it home. Starting my Wrangler and sliding my physique out I am still clinging onto the slim hope that cranking the heat and warming up the interior would make the locks work. Now 45 minutes since my end of shift have passed and still no access into the Jeep other than through the tailgate. I have tried steaming hot water in an attempt to defrost the locks, thought about laying extension cords across a busy street to run a hair dryer to warm up the locks. Even considered walking home, but when its to cold to snow its to cold for extreme mountain walking. And yes for those who see snow less than once a year, there is such a reality as to cold to snow.

No other options panning out I realize I have to begin the daunting task of climbing into the Wrangler and some how pivot my self around contorting limbs into position not even the Kama-Sutra would recommend just to get into the drivers seat. I am so glad that the local lady's were with "johns" and the Urban Nomads were in shelters other wise there may be a new You Tube video posted labeled Bear rummaging through a Jeep. Now finally in the drivers seat I am content knowing that I can at least head home and get into my nice warm bed and my ordeal is over.

.....Then I realize the tail gate is still wide open....sighing I knew what I had to do. Climbing back out of my seat I struggle to find the inner strength to continue, reclining the passenger seat I tumble over the slanted rear seat and reach for the tail gate. I had no intention of trying to get the glass down, I would rather just suffer the cold single digit morning air. Making it home event free I park and pray to every religion known to man that my door locks be free and I can exit this frigid ice box.

It was twice as hard contorting on the way out than on the way in.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

Vegas Series: Fidney's Surprise!

We were all boarding the plane and preparing to fly out of Vegas that morning. All taking our respective seats, I in the back quarter of the plane, isle seat with Nerf Herder the opposite isle side one row back. Fly Boy a row in front of me with his window seat and Fidney, likely still hung over, four rows up center seat. We were all muttering amongst our selfs of the fact that Las Vegas could be swallowed by the desert and we wouldn't care at all.

The welcome passengers greeting comes over the Jet Blue speaker system, along with notice of free movies extended to us all today due to a passenger having gum stuck on her seat. The Pilot, who likely was a former Red Bull aerial acrobatic pilot, tells of likely catching a great tail wind from the jet stream and cutting flight time down dramatically. Every passenger settling in for the trip to JFK. When suddenly from the quite comes a boisterous groan of disbelief.

"OH SHIT!" I hear, along with the rest of the plane.
"WHAT The Fuck" coming from a few rows up.
"I do not remember ordering that" Don't let it be him I remember thinking.
"THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!" Comes exploding from the center seat four rows in front of me.
"Oh shit" I whisper through the seats to Fly Boy, ducking my head out of sight. I hear the faint giggling of Nerf Herder a row back.
"Think Fidney found the receipts" Fly Boy poses towards me as he slouches in his seat.
"I think so" replying as I glance over my shoulder at Nerf Herder who has assumed the proverbial airline's crashing position.
"A HUNDRED FIFTY!!" causing us to smirk and peak over the seats up in Fidney's general location.
"I did not order all this, No way in hell. Fly Boy what is this all about?"
"Um..." Fly Boy studder's "She really liked Appletini's?"
"She? Thirteen Dollar martini's Fly Boy!"
"NO, Actually they were Appletini's, and She really liked them" Not a valid argument from Fly Boy but a sarcastic and valiant effort.
"I don't remember ordering all of this for you guys last night?" a dumb founded Fidney says
"Well you didn't technically, Tatiana was not going to let us, But Ambulance Junkie kinda charmed her into it." Fly Boy jest's.
"Hey!" I utter "N.H and M.S helped too, I'm not only to blame here"
"Wait, Wait, Wait, Who's Tatiana?" Fidney wonders.
"Our Lounge Server from last night" We all chuckle.

As Fidney danced him self frantic last night, We had all been enjoying our lounge singer and being the life of the party. We had realized that Fidney had opened a tab, intended for himself, on our table. With a little sweet talking and over whelming peer pressure we had convinced out super nice Russian Lounge server to bring a round of drinks for the lot of us. Our group of five quickly included a group of three ladies we made small talk with. One of which was a mid forty's female who's father was the first Battalion chief of a major west coast metropolitan area. Needless to say our conversation was strongly centered around Fire and EMS. Our conversation continued and so did the rounds of drinks, including the Appletini's for the Chiefs daughter.

Fidney ever unknowing the booze which did flow thanks to him, well until he had to rummage through his pockets on the flight that is.

Vegas Series: The Prologue

"Vegas?" I jokingly pondered.

"Yeah it'd be fun" says Fly Boy. "think of it as a Man'cation"
"Wait...Vegas? like Las Vegas? Sin City?"
"Ya!! End of this month" Fly Boy burst out in excitement.
"Vegas" I say with confidence

 I hadn't really consider the proposition as usual, it was more the off the wall idea we entertained. This time was different though, it felt right. Why not? I thought, and as simple as that, we began to get excited. A trip away from the grind of work, away from this east coast existence. Fly Boy, Nerf Herder, and myself meeting up in NYC with Fidney and flying out to Sin City to hook up with M.S who now lived in Henderson. The five of us reuniting for the first time in a couple of years. We weren't age old friends, but we had all developed and honed our EMS skills together for a time. While we were traveling so far we'd of course take the time to head to Yosemite through Death Valley to flex our need for the out doors. See some sites, place some bets, and Fly Boy could even see his Grizzly bear he was so obsessed with.

It was a trip of a life time, and in all honesty it was the best thing to ever happen to me besides my bride and my son. It was just one of those moments that I was fully capable of letting go of control and decided to just go with the flow. The last time I truly did that was when I began dating the girl that became the love of my life, who is now the Mrs. Who, by the way was the ultimate decision

The antics we are known for carried over into our Man'cation and lead to some rather precarious moments. Whether in the NYC, aboard the air plane, in Las Vegas or Yosemite National Park we were never far from a laugh.

I hope you enjoy this sliver into my life outside of EMS.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

The Glorious Life

EMS is not the highest paid career choice there is by any means. I mean Children aren't lining up on career day to see the Paramedic thinking "Wow, I bet he drives a Lexus and has a twelve bedroom mansion." No the thought of saving lives and being involved in the Emergency is what brings the kids, that and the lights and sirens. We make sacrifices in life constantly, though it seems EMS is a bit more often.

My Wife and I have done alright for ourselves, both in under paid professions, we own rather than rent and are able to provide for our son. That being said, I have made changes in these economic times to be more fiscally responsible. Packing my dinner rather than buying out, drinking from the stations water cooler, and enjoying being home bodies for entertainment. Its not ideal but it makes life easier on us, and reduces our stress.

Now I'm not blogging for sympathy, or bragging rights, that's not my style. So there is comedic twist to this blog...dun, dun, dun...foreshadowing? But I digress.

 I am not afraid to be, as my wife would say, cheap; though I think of it as Fiscally responsible. I go through the couch cushions at the station to find loose change in attempts to scrounge up enough to purchase the item of my desire. After a few weeks I use this said change to treat myself on day four to a soda. Which today was that day, That day where my hard earned work of flipping cushions and combating the creatures of the couch paid off. Three weeks to find enough change to buy an ice cold, thirst quenching, caffeine enthralling Mountain Dew. What a brilliant, magnificent, splendid, resplendent, splendiferous, illustrious, redoubtable day this was going to be!

Much as I enjoy cake and fried foods, I love my Dew. The day I get to purchase my Dew from the vending machine is what I can only relate to as Christmas when I was younger. I wasn't even going to wait for a while before the purchasing and inevitable consumption began. As soon as I clocked in, I headed straight for the back of the ambulance bays, my eyes locked on the light emanating through the stiff plastic logo of the soda incubator. Oh sweet luscious mana of heaven, I thought upon reaching the towering machine. I glance over my shoulders to make sure we're alone and stretch out my arms embracing it in a long, yet surprisingly satisfying hug. Getting lost in the moment I realize I have the correct amount of currency to release this locked liquid crack. Digging through my pockets, I throw unneeded items aside, gloves, spare pens, my junk drive all just to grab the loose change sitting with in its depths.

In my palm sits the key to happiness, I begin to slide my change in the slot of the machine. A quarter followed by another, followed by a few dimes. All was going great until this stationary bipolar vending machine turned on me. Clank I hear as a dime falls down the return shoot. I grab and reinsert. Clank I hear as it falls again. Temperamental piece of crap I think as I try a nickel. Clank, Clank, Clank as it spits out Sixty of the dollar ten it had already been given. The tiny LED marquee reading, Balance: 0.00, "What the hell" I exclaimed "Worthless piece of...Rotten, no good son of a....." Locked within the belly of this beast sits my hard earned, some one else's misplaced, change.

The fit of rage that ensued is not appropriate for all readers. I ended up losing to an inanimate object, out smarted at a game I obviously had no idea we were playing, by a soda machine.

Like the title implies, Ain't this The Glorious Life.

                                                           Be Safe

Ambulance Junkie

Dry Chem + Ambulance Cab = A Day Off

It had all the story lines of a comedy plot with the classic punch lines and gags of a Charlie Chaplin movie. The scene is set, the parking lot of a busy service station, the afternoon of a mild winter's day. Our heroes sit in the front seat of their ambulance...and action:

My partner and I have the same routine once on post, the every day chatter entails in the rig over what we did this weekend. The music playing in the back ground we joke and laugh amusing our selves over various happenings at work and hear say about the unionizing neighboring department. We head inside to grab an early morning coffee and discuss whether its to early to grab a cup of Wendy's chilly or not. Exiting from the service station we tromp through the slush and gusty wind and hunker back in our warm ambulance. All the time never thinking about the mischievous happenings that are effectively occurring at that very moment.

Unknown to us the plastic seal on the fire extinguisher is to the point of total failure. It at any moment has enough disintegration through its plastic being to break apart setting in motion the days events. The continuous  vibration of the old 98 Ford will ultimately bounce the broken seal tag off the extinguisher and onto the ground. The said vibrations will rattle enough to dance the pin out of the dry chem, and set up this devilish plot.

We continue to chatter to each other and a few hours have passed. The Pin now on the verge of falling out and clanking will no doubt alert us to the unsafe extinguisher standing between us. As the pin falls it lands on the only towel in a five foot radius thus not making a noise, and not warning us.

Reaching back to his bag my medic goes to grab his novel to read. the bag having shifted just enough out of reach during the mornings drive. He has to stretch and with his finger tips grabbing at his bag just out of reach. in order to get a little extra leverage my Medic has rested his opposite elbow on the handle of the extinguisher. The same said extinguisher that we unknowingly possessed with a faulty seal tag. The planets have aligned in favor of the events about to happen, and set in motion to a point of no return.

With the slightest of pressure on the handle he is able to stick his finger on the bag with the tiniest of traction, pulling towards him he shifts his weight. The transfer of weight from his reaching grasp to his steadying arm creates enough energy to drive the handle down on the extinguisher releasing dry chem agent into the air. With out missing a beat my partners shifting weight triggers him to become off balanced and falling between the seats. Kicking up the dry chem on the rigs floor. As he falls his legs stretching out shoving his boots towards any solid mass in attempts of bracing him in his new stance strikes the the GPS unit mounted on the dash dislodging it. In his follow through with his boot he strikes the speed dial of the heat vent kicking it to high. The vent intakes near the dog house floor suck the low lying dry chem in allowing it to vanish from site momentarily.

Laughing at each other we do not realize what is about to happen. The vent sounding as if its clogged draws our attention to the outlets. We stop laughing just in time for the evil twist of Karma, *PUFF* as it fills the entire cab with dry chem. My medic laying on the floor no less than two feet from me vanishes in a fine white cloud within our rig, the air becomes thick and unbearable. Coughing ensues with intermittently laughing over our situation. We stumble out of our rig coughing and dry heaving from the dust that has no doubt filled out lungs. Suppressing the cough we assure each other of our safety. Then burst out in laughter which begins the cycle of coughing once more.

We call OOS and proceed to drive back with windows open and our heads hanging out. At the station we explain to the D.O the events of the day while uncontrollably shivering and coughing. We are told to head to be medically cleared at the ER. Once doing so we return to be advised the truck will be in need of a interior servicing and vent work cleaning. With no other trucks available for use that day, we are given the rest of the day off with pay.

It seems as though Karma had its intentions all along.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

Chuck & Ralph

"County to Medic Four recieving reports of multiple patients reporting Vomiting and other general illness symptoms we are starting additional units and the Fire Department for a possible CO2 condition in the residence" "Medic Four copies, we are two blocks away we'll advise additional upon arrival" my partner chatters.

We see patients from 200 yards away, arriving on scene Patient One & Two are at curb side puking their metaphorical brains out. We call out "Medic Four on scene, will advise the situation" over the radio as I step out and avoid pools of stomach content all over the side walk. The first two patients in agony but breathing we quickly survey for additional bodies. My eyes sweeping the area I catch movement inside the front door, I advance as the faint sounds in the distance of help can be heard. I bend down unsure of the nature of the environment and upon arrival to the door way I am presented with patients three, four, five, and six. They are all inside the front door in what appears to be a common living quarters. All of them also spewing out every last bit of stomach contents they had, though these chaps were all civilized and using various forms of buckets. "If your able to exit this building and come outside" I yell over the sound of the arriving cavalry. All four stand and walk towards the door. "Are there any others in the house other than the four?" I over hear my partner asking patient one and two. They point to the fenced in side yard where I now turn and head, getting to the gate I go to unlatch hearing:

"I think the Clams were bad Charles!" 

"Oh my! Don't even say that word, it'll make me sick again Raphael"

"Why did you have to cheap out on the seafood of all things Charles"

"County from Medic Four, Be advise we have eight patients all out of the residence this appears it could be food related. You can down grade all remaining medic's response to non" I chatter as I direct the two remaining patients out front. The Fire department pack's up as I tell the lieutenant of the possible food illness of all the patients. My partner has all but the last two triage'd and handing them off to various rigs. I direct Charles and Raphael to our rig and sit them down. Assessing them and listenting to the story I hear of a fun get together amoungst friends and them sharing steamed clams and telling of days past. All only to be strickened by food poisoning a few hours later.

Only as I return to service do I realize that This would be a humorous story realizing my Patients names were Chuck and Ralph!

Be Safe

Ambulance Junkie

The Yoda kid

"Medic Nine respond with the police to the school with out walls for a child having behavioral out burst" The radio squawks "Medic Nine copy's en route" I chatter back. Pulling up on scene we exit the rig and pull our stretcher out. Wheel it up the ramp and through the main doors, we follow the staff down a hallway past heavy thick steel doors slammed shut. The children glaring through the glass encrusted wire windows with a teacher valiantly trying to educate them. The echo of our foot steps trailing down the hall we are presented with a wall of staff members standing awaiting our arrival along with an officer. "he's not violent but somethings definitely going on that I think your better off handling" the officer says. As the staff parts allowing me to pass, the last of which opens a large door as if for royalty. My eyes adjust to the dimly lit room, the walls with white padding from top to bottom all inked up with sketches from inhabitants pass. The single browned out light bulb in the room is surrounded with a cage lined with dried snot and spit. In the shadows in the far corner my eyes lay sight to a young dark skinned male huddled down. I approach cautiously.
This young man looking at me begins to speak "What looking at are you" "Excuse me? Whats going on today man?" I ask in wonder. "Do you understand the language of the Jedi not?" the boy asks. I turn to the officer in confusion and disbelief. "yeah I don't really have authority to transport here, so that's where you come into play" Says the officer.

Lucky me I think as my partner and I take this non violent young student on our stretcher and secured him with leg lap and chest straps. As we roll the patient out of the building I ask the typical questions like his name, if he is having any complaints, and SAMPLE history. The patient looking at me states "Yoda ki-adi-mundi, my name is. Yes, hmmm. No concern of yours, the rest is." At this point we have loaded our young Jedi Master into the rig, his sudden psychosis or his possession by a fictional character I test his devotion to this act ir the seriousness of the situation. "So you said your name is Yoda Ki-Adi-Mundi right? Like Yoda from star wars huh? than explain to me why are you taking a Jedi Master of an unknown species and combining it with a complete seperate Jedi Master?" The Patient looking at me begins to have the slight enjoyment wash off his face, "well...well....Your Mom!" the patient shouts. "So that easily you've given up your little game huh?" I ask, "I was expecting more, I mean as elaborate as your escapade was to get out of school you could at least sell it to me" "PING" my cell chirps as a text from my partner comes in. I glance quickly reading: you just Jedi Mind tricked his ass! 

The rest of the trip in was rather uneventful. Taking vitals and grabbing what little history the kid felt like sharing. I understood this kids desire to get attention, his outward cry of desperation. It wasn't a long ride into the Hospital, I don't think a two hour trip would have allowed this kid to receive enough time away from his inner demons. Pulling the stretcher out of the rig with our young Padawon in tow we enter the ER. "Afternoon folks, Let me introduce to you my young patient....Yoda Kid, He's been acting out today and is in need of a Psych eval." Glancing out of the corner of my eye I wink at my young troubled person. He smiled back and continued on his way, "Yoda the great Jedi master I am." The staff none the wiser.

Be safe
Ambulance Junkie

Wielding a knife and wearing an Eye patch

*Cell rings*

"Hello"

"...WHAT!"

"Was it the cat?"

"ok so does it have a tail?"

"well whats a small tail?"

"...OK....OK...Hunny...Hunny....OK...You have to...You have to relax...Hunny"

*hangs Cell up*

Fly Boy looks at me in wonder, "So, That the Wife?"

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. I pick up the Mic and request personal detail to my residence, Dispatch hearing my tone grants the request and asks for a 10-21. I call in and advise of a possible animal in the wall of my basement. "No, the wife was freaking out!" I state "it'll be real quick I'm sure its probably just a mouse." We head towards my house not knowing what would be in store for us. Fly Boy riding shot gun and Mini Medic in the back we head to south mountain.

We get on scene and enter the residence, the caller standing on the stairs peering around the corner. "Hey doll" I utter kissing my wife on the cheek "whats going on" "SHHHHhhhh...look it's right there" she says timidly as though not trying to startle a predatory creature on the verge of attacking her. As I glance past her shoulder I see my newly hung dry wall laid to waste by claw and tooth marks, with a rotund grey mass sticking out of the wall from a hole. Ever so slowly I proceed forward, step by step, my eye never moving from this unknown creature.

"Stop" Fly Boy whispers halting me in my tracks and sending goose bumps through my body. "Don't you think we need weapons to protect our selves" He mutters to me. "Yeah, tools" I say, grabbing the first thing in arms reach; the Pick Axe, Fly Boy grabbing the shovel, and Mini Medic grabbing a plank of wood no larger then his four foot five stature.

"What is that Mini" Fly Boy chuckles

"What!?!?!?!?!?, its the only thing left" Mini says sarcastically.

Moving forward towards this unknown creature we make a strategic plan of attack. Not knowing what the bundle of drywall destroying fur even is, we plan a quick and precise shot in the dark, a strike of the pick-ax to end the creatures life. Hesitantly I prepare for this task, tapping the blade end on the wall as though I were a skilled demolition expert. I pull back the tool over my shoulder and with a sudden thrust forward, through the wall, where we presumed the creature to be, the blade crashes. Sitting in wait for a shriek or cry, we hear nothing, I pull the pick-ax from the wall expecting a stream of blood to flow through the hole. Now noticing neither the dying cries or blood one can only suspect one thing; a perfect shot. Leaning in for a closer inspection I see no dead animal.

Without warning, a groundhog the size of a Life Pak 12 leaps from within the depths of the newly made hole. As if in the Matrix I lean back dodging his advance at me. Striking the ground the Groundhog heads towards Fly Boy who stabs blindly with the shovel while lifting one leg as if to help his thrust's. Weaving through every attempt the groundhog sets his eyes on Mini Medic, charging full speed he darts through Mini's legs and into the pile of stored Christmas decorations. Mini lets out a yelp and throws his plank across the room.

"What was that Mini?" I ask

"I panicked" replies Mini Medic

By this time My wife has already contacted Dispatch in hopes of getting an expert to the scene before her house falls down in shambles. To our surprise County was contacted who then sent a Deputy from down town who is not exactly what you would call well versed in nature. The Deputy, never have seeing a groundhog before, readies his side arm much like he'd do for an assailant wielding a knife and an eye patch. Luckily the level headed, and much more experienced Sergeant shows up to check on in his young Deputy after the request to "dispatch" the creature within a residence was relayed over the air.

The sergeant devises a plan of trapping the animal in a spare garbage can which is executed with out a hitch. Releasing the creature across the road into the woods we decide its best we return to service and use our powers to Save Lives. For obviously Animal capture is out of our league.

As Always, Be Safe

Ambulance Junkie