Jun 26, 2010

Fades to Black

"Medic two responding" Like I had said countless times before without thinking of what was unraveling that very second for a human being on this earth. Deaths cold dark shadow descending on the house we were heading to. Our lights piercing through the Midnight hour leading us to the scene, The Reaper was peering his calculating gaze into the home of a young man who had so much left to give. Arriving on scene a sudden chill filled the air, the fire medics waving us in to hurry as deaths shadow dripping down the walls of the room engrossed us all, his cold bony fingers snaking across the room towards my patient. Wrapped around the trachea gripping onto this mans last few breaths, the countdown began. Pulling our patient to his knees, lips inches from the nebulizer with life saving meds. The reapers dark cloak drawing past my patients face, pealing the once pale color off to reveal his cyanosis. The patient collapsing to the floor my medic stumbles and fumbles, the pieces of this call slipping through his hands like sand. I place the BVM on this young mans face while death clutches the heart slowing it at will. We begin CPR, fighting against death's plan, My patient's color is returning his heart beating stronger, we are stopping death in his tracks, The Reaper laughs in our face about our efforts. Death drapes his shadowy cloak over the providers, weighing us down, releasing chaos from the inner depths of his being, slowing our advances. Being drawn farther into a loosing battle, we do not realize Death has already won. The room darkens as The Reaper draws the last gasping breath from his victim, this once healthy mans color drains away to grey, his eyes sunken in, his heart stopped by an icy grip, his youth slips away into history. I stand face to face with the Angel of Death unable to stop him, unable to save this soul, unable to protect the family from the news to come.

The once darkened room fades to black, I slip into a safer place within my mind, acting only on the training instilled within, all my remaining moves automatic and instinctual. Death crosses another name off his list and as quickly as he had descended onto this unexpected life he passes through the wall and is gone without a second glance. We continue to shuffle through the motions, loading the stretcher, driving with lights clearing the way and sirens screaming. We arrive at the ER only for the Doc to pronounce. We restock the rig not a word is said, return to service to await the next call, in essence sweeping this one away as quickly as it entered into my life.

I wish I could go back to a world simpler than this, back before this was a job, before I got paid to care. Back when I would have felt the sorrow of the passing of a life, back when I would have shed a tear, or been scared in the presence of Death. Back to a world of innocence but Not this, not empty, not emotionless, not cold inside. Losing the essence of being human we have nothing else to give, no deeper into the depths can we fall, we can only decide to climb out. We look inside our selves and promise we'll learn from our mistakes, we will again give it our all. Because we are human, we will learn from our mistakes and voe to not let those mistakes determine the fate of another's life. I hope the taken soul receives some sort of solace that his life lost was not in vein, nor will it be forgotten.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

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