This morning was a rough one, it was cold. Not just any cold, it was single digit cold. Most people were inside their toasty warm beds just starting to stir when I was battling my demons. I blame no one but myself, for if I could have been inside in the warmth of my bed I assure you I would have been.
I was preparing for my venture home in the cold, my honorable Wrangler by my side to whisk me the 2.5 miles to my "estate" on top of the mountain. I inserted my key into the lock and turned, thinking I had twisted my wrist the wrong direction I reversed and went the other way. Funny I thought to my self no click notifying me of the lock being disengaged. I pull the handle thinking there must be a mistake to no avail, turning the key back the original way I pull the handle.....Nothing! OK, no problem after all I have a passenger side to unlock and I'll just unlock the driver door from the inside and be on my way. Oh what a thought, home in my warm bed to partake in my favorite activity, sleep. My boots crunching in the hardened snow I make it to the passenger side door. Turn, pull, turn, pull, the twisting and rotating useless, with nothing being achieved I sigh into the vast emptiness of the city streets at five am. My breath pouring out of me like puff the magic dragon, no fear my tail gate will work! Ah the trusty tail gate, its never failed me before when I've locked myself out of the Jeep. Though that was when I had the summer soft top on and not the hard top, never the less I insert my key and turn.
At last I am able to get into the Jeep, what success in a small battle, feeling vindicated in my efforts the reality sets in. The real work has yet to begin, the car seat I worked so hard at placing and securing this past weekend now has to be removed. Not only removed to make room for my rear seat to fold down but it has to be accomplished blindly from the behind the seat. Fondling like teenager working his first bra clasp I fuddle at the task. Accomplishing that, I fold down the seat and crawl my less than petite frame into the back of the Jeep. I still am in rather good spirits thinking the lock cylinder was just frozen and that the interior lock button would release the door and allow me in.
What kind of a story would that be if I gained easy entry? As I am sprawled out comprehending that The locks are entirely to cold to even work and begin to think of how to make it home. Starting my Wrangler and sliding my physique out I am still clinging onto the slim hope that cranking the heat and warming up the interior would make the locks work. Now 45 minutes since my end of shift have passed and still no access into the Jeep other than through the tailgate. I have tried steaming hot water in an attempt to defrost the locks, thought about laying extension cords across a busy street to run a hair dryer to warm up the locks. Even considered walking home, but when its to cold to snow its to cold for extreme mountain walking. And yes for those who see snow less than once a year, there is such a reality as to cold to snow.
No other options panning out I realize I have to begin the daunting task of climbing into the Wrangler and some how pivot my self around contorting limbs into position not even the Kama-Sutra would recommend just to get into the drivers seat. I am so glad that the local lady's were with "johns" and the Urban Nomads were in shelters other wise there may be a new You Tube video posted labeled Bear rummaging through a Jeep. Now finally in the drivers seat I am content knowing that I can at least head home and get into my nice warm bed and my ordeal is over.
.....Then I realize the tail gate is still wide open....sighing I knew what I had to do. Climbing back out of my seat I struggle to find the inner strength to continue, reclining the passenger seat I tumble over the slanted rear seat and reach for the tail gate. I had no intention of trying to get the glass down, I would rather just suffer the cold single digit morning air. Making it home event free I park and pray to every religion known to man that my door locks be free and I can exit this frigid ice box.
It was twice as hard contorting on the way out than on the way in.