Jan 26, 2011

A Love Story

Open prescription bottles in my sink all barren of the pills once in them, empty beer cans lay waste on my tiled floor. I lay in the bath filled with cold water to numb the pain, feeling strung out and fading fast. My breaths slowing and more shallow with every passing minute. My eye lids getting heavier, the light diminishing, I'm unable to keep my eyes open. My heart slowing but my thoughts as strong as ever.

In the darkness of my own mind all I can think of is him, the one I loved who never loved me back. The pain and hurt that I went through day after day, night after night the tears I have cried. He was the one who was supposed to protect me, care for me, and love me. Not yell at me, abuse me or strike me. This will get his attention, he'll have to love me after this, he'll realize what I mean to him. As soon as he calls back he'll realize that he made a mistake and it'll fix us. He should call back soon to say sorry for our fight and he'll know what he's done to me.

The seconds slip by, the time is fleeing, the cold icy grasp of death creeps its way up my legs pulling me towards the end. Oh god why hasn't he called yet, doesn't he know what he's made me do, doesn't he realize I'm trying to hurt myself to make him see how he hurt me. Why doesn't he love me?

She begins to cry, the terror setting in that she's ending her own life hoping it would make him love her. The tears escape her eyes and she wishes she could take it back, she's sorry, she didn't mean for it to be this way.

Her cell phone slipping from her hand she goes unconscious, slipping under the water she takes her last breath. This is death, no bright light, nothing but emptiness and loneliness. Never realizing she is surrounded, surrounded by a group of men and woman fighting for her life. Complete strangers who entered her bathroom unannounced and pulled her out from under the water tomb. Strangers who will not let her slip from their grasp, doing what they must to bring her back from the brink. They breathe for her because she can not, pressing on her chest pumping her heart for it does not beat on its own, by counteracting the drugs she took to stop the damage she has already done to herself.

The why doesn't matter to these strangers, its between her and her maker. All they know is that she's not going to meet him anytime soon if they have anything to say about it.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie


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