Jul 6, 2010

Wielding a knife and wearing an Eye patch

*Cell rings*



"Was it the cat?"

"ok so does it have a tail?"

"well whats a small tail?"

"...OK....OK...Hunny...Hunny....OK...You have to...You have to relax...Hunny"

*hangs Cell up*

Fly Boy looks at me in wonder, "So, That the Wife?"

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. I pick up the Mic and request personal detail to my residence, Dispatch hearing my tone grants the request and asks for a 10-21. I call in and advise of a possible animal in the wall of my basement. "No, the wife was freaking out!" I state "it'll be real quick I'm sure its probably just a mouse." We head towards my house not knowing what would be in store for us. Fly Boy riding shot gun and Mini Medic in the back we head to south mountain.

We get on scene and enter the residence, the caller standing on the stairs peering around the corner. "Hey doll" I utter kissing my wife on the cheek "whats going on" "SHHHHhhhh...look it's right there" she says timidly as though not trying to startle a predatory creature on the verge of attacking her. As I glance past her shoulder I see my newly hung dry wall laid to waste by claw and tooth marks, with a rotund grey mass sticking out of the wall from a hole. Ever so slowly I proceed forward, step by step, my eye never moving from this unknown creature.

"Stop" Fly Boy whispers halting me in my tracks and sending goose bumps through my body. "Don't you think we need weapons to protect our selves" He mutters to me. "Yeah, tools" I say, grabbing the first thing in arms reach; the Pick Axe, Fly Boy grabbing the shovel, and Mini Medic grabbing a plank of wood no larger then his four foot five stature.

"What is that Mini" Fly Boy chuckles

"What!?!?!?!?!?, its the only thing left" Mini says sarcastically.

Moving forward towards this unknown creature we make a strategic plan of attack. Not knowing what the bundle of drywall destroying fur even is, we plan a quick and precise shot in the dark, a strike of the pick-ax to end the creatures life. Hesitantly I prepare for this task, tapping the blade end on the wall as though I were a skilled demolition expert. I pull back the tool over my shoulder and with a sudden thrust forward, through the wall, where we presumed the creature to be, the blade crashes. Sitting in wait for a shriek or cry, we hear nothing, I pull the pick-ax from the wall expecting a stream of blood to flow through the hole. Now noticing neither the dying cries or blood one can only suspect one thing; a perfect shot. Leaning in for a closer inspection I see no dead animal.

Without warning, a groundhog the size of a Life Pak 12 leaps from within the depths of the newly made hole. As if in the Matrix I lean back dodging his advance at me. Striking the ground the Groundhog heads towards Fly Boy who stabs blindly with the shovel while lifting one leg as if to help his thrust's. Weaving through every attempt the groundhog sets his eyes on Mini Medic, charging full speed he darts through Mini's legs and into the pile of stored Christmas decorations. Mini lets out a yelp and throws his plank across the room.

"What was that Mini?" I ask

"I panicked" replies Mini Medic

By this time My wife has already contacted Dispatch in hopes of getting an expert to the scene before her house falls down in shambles. To our surprise County was contacted who then sent a Deputy from down town who is not exactly what you would call well versed in nature. The Deputy, never have seeing a groundhog before, readies his side arm much like he'd do for an assailant wielding a knife and an eye patch. Luckily the level headed, and much more experienced Sergeant shows up to check on in his young Deputy after the request to "dispatch" the creature within a residence was relayed over the air.

The sergeant devises a plan of trapping the animal in a spare garbage can which is executed with out a hitch. Releasing the creature across the road into the woods we decide its best we return to service and use our powers to Save Lives. For obviously Animal capture is out of our league.

As Always, Be Safe

Ambulance Junkie

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