Ambulance Hi-Jinx

As I sit behind my laptop and ponder, I am drawn constantly to reminiscing pranks that have been pulled over the years in this station. The pranks that have been lengthy and the ones that happen so fast a blink of an eye would miss it. Here are a few of my favorites, though I don't recommend doing them (which absolves me from liability right?)

Never fall asleep in my passenger seat when returning from an out of town transfer, you'll pay!

The set up is simple, once my partner dozes off, take the first rest stop I find and with careful placement of the rig behind a parked tractor trailer, I place the rig in park. Hold on tight to the steering wheel while shaking your arms as if slamming on the brakes, immatating the steering wheel shake. Begin to scream at the top of you lungs "Oh God! Hold On!" etc. By this time the partner awakes in a dead panic, turn your head at the partner and continue screaming. "Ahhh!!! OH NO!!" Partner seeing the tractor trailer directly in front of the rig grabs onto the dash board and began screaming at the top of his lungs at the idea of our implied impending demise.

Hiding in shower stall to scare Nerf Herder when he went to change at end of shift.

I patiently waited thirty minutes while NH played on the computer after he clocked out. Even being given candy by my dispatcher to sustain the wait. NH entered the rest room and he closed the door, holding my breath as to not give my self away. As he turned unsuspectingly towards the mirror, I sprang my surprise on this unknowing victim. Pulling back the shower curtain and yelling surprise. NH stumbled back against the wall looking like a cat being starttled, his back hunched and conforming his fingers like cat claws to defend himself. The sheer look of terror in his eyes as he was completly startled. I ran out of the rest room with the door slamming behing me. Extensive cursing from behind the closed door was quickly drowned out but the laughter from the crew room and dispatch who had all been in on the prank. To this day Nerf Herder wont go into the rest room with out checking out the shower stall.

Good old pranks, theres just something I enjoy about them, mainly the terror which is involved from the recipient.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

Vegas Series: The Prologue

"Vegas?" I jokingly pondered.

"Yeah it'd be fun" says Fly Boy. "think of it as a Man'cation"
"Wait...Vegas? like Las Vegas? Sin City?"
"Ya!! End of this month" Fly Boy burst out in excitement.
"Vegas" I say with confidence

 I hadn't really consider the proposition as usual, it was more the off the wall idea we entertained. This time was different though, it felt right. Why not? I thought, and as simple as that, we began to get excited. A trip away from the grind of work, away from this east coast existence. Fly Boy, Nerf Herder, and myself meeting up in NYC with Fidney and flying out to Sin City to hook up with M.S who now lived in Henderson. The five of us reuniting for the first time in a couple of years. We weren't age old friends, but we had all developed and honed our EMS skills together for a time. While we were traveling so far we'd of course take the time to head to Yosemite through Death Valley to flex our need for the out doors. See some sites, place some bets, and Fly Boy could even see his Grizzly bear he was so obsessed with.

It was a trip of a life time, and in all honesty it was the best thing to ever happen to me besides my bride and my son. It was just one of those moments that I was fully capable of letting go of control and decided to just go with the flow. The last time I truly did that was when I began dating the girl that became the love of my life, who is now the Mrs. Who, by the way was the ultimate decision

The antics we are known for carried over into our Man'cation and lead to some rather precarious moments. Whether in the NYC, aboard the air plane, in Las Vegas or Yosemite National Park we were never far from a laugh.

I hope you enjoy this sliver into my life outside of EMS.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

Off on Vacation

Realizing I have never spent more than 4 days off in a row with my son since he's been born, I am going to spend 11 days with him and the Mrs of course.

I am off to the area know as New England.

I shall return,

after a much needed family vacation.

A wake up and a wasp

I wake up and stretch, glancing over my shoulder peering at the bed side stand looking for the clock. Rubbing my eyes I can barely believe the red numbers laid out in front of me. 16:10 I read, "Crap!" I exclaim "I got half an hour before I need to leave for work." Throwing the covers off and swinging my legs over the edge of the bed I sit up. "Hi moo moo, Hi A-bay" I rattle off to my dogs on a maddened dash to the the shower. Five minutes flat I'm out and then I get changed in my uniform. Stumbling down stairs I head for the sliding door out to the back yard still tightening my belt. I let my dogs out and off I am to preparing the pup's evening food bowls.

I then wonder what on earth I'm going to fix for dinner. Grabbing a corn muffin out of the microwave to munch on it while throwing a few south western style egg rolls in the oven and also grabbing a few cucumbers to cut up. Eureka, PB&J I determine as I'm sliding the back door open to let the pups in for grub. Glancing at the clock I realize its only 16:25.

I jet over to the radio to turn on some classic rock while I begin to unload the dishwasher, placing all the cleaned items on the counter top. Being spastic I begin to peel and cut the cucumbers and toss them in a Tupperware bowl with seasoning of salt and pepper and a tablespoon of Mayo. Closing the lid I give it a few gentle flips and place it in my lunch box. Grabbing bread and jelly from the fridge and peanut butter from the cabinet I slather together two PB&J sandwiches and put them in zip lock baggies. Back to the dishes I finish putting them away, and grab my egg rolls from the oven. Toss it all in my lunch box and throw my boots on in the living room, Time check 16:35.

Rushing back in the kitchen I wash the dishes I created and place them on the drying rack. Running up stairs I call for my boxer Gracie to go in her kennel. In she goes and I stumble back down to pick up my lunch box and grab the kitchen garbage bag to take it to the curb. Head to the front door I grab Jeep keys and pull the door shut behind me. I grab two garbage cans and take them to the curb, jump in my Jeep and off I go. Time 16:40

Right on time I think, now I can enjoy my two and a half mile ride into work. Windows down, music jamming I am physically and mentally prepared for the night ahead. Suddenly a ticklish and unexpected sensation on my arm. Startled I look over and see a Wasp has landed on my forearm braced against the passenger head rest. Shivers run down my spine and I flail my arm violently in hopes to dislodge this creature of nature.

Unaware of my surroundings I have begun drifting towards a row of parked cars. Screaming like a school girl because of the wasp I notice my course and make a quick  yet over-corrective action. Realizing the Wasp has fallen from my arm I look frantically over my body for it. Glancing back on the road I swerve correcting my course yet again. Coming to a red light I have time to gain my composure. I catch my breath and notice the Wasp fly out the window, good rid dens I think and turn my attention back to the road.

No sooner have I regained my composure do I notice a spider drop down in my field of view. "Odd, what is a spider dangling from outside my wind shield?" I mutter to my self when I realize this nasty horrific beast of a spider is actually between me and my wind shield.

Surprisingly I made it to work on time that day, though there was one less spider living in the world upon my arrival. Time check 16:46

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

Stop and Listen

The first call of the night went smoothly, and I find myself in the Emergency Room cleaning my stretcher. I begin to listen to the sounds around me and become very enthralled by them. Listening to my personal orchestra I take a moment to enjoy the smallest of pleasures.

Swoosh swoosh of my hand wiping down my stretcher, I listen as a doctors introduction gets drowned out as a passer by talking on her cell with an angelic southern draw "Hello, I'm Doctor..." "Ya, so I ain't to shur but I reckon he'll be admitted" Trailing off as she walks down the hall. "This is the stethoscope and it goes here on your chest to listen to your lungs" the doctor tells his young patient. Click Clack, Click Clack, Click Clack, As Miss registration walks down the hall giving me a sweet hello smile. Beeeep, Beeeep, Beeeep, Beeeep of a patients monitor alarm telling the staff of problematic vital signs. Squeak-squeak-Squeeeak, swoosh woosh woosh woosh woosh the trailing off of the passing environmental services cart wheeling by and the sound of sticking shoes from the cleaner walking behind.

"Hey Boy" says one of my favorite nurses, "How are you stranger" "Hey girl, I'm good, what are you doing on still?" I ask "I'm here till 1900" She says in passing. Click-Clack Click-Clack, as Miss Registration passes by while returning to her station. Ping as my phone receives a text, "Hi, I'm from radiology. I'll be taking you for an X-ray" Says a tech "Excuse me, Nurse" a patient yells out, "OK, so the CT scan came back negative..." states doctor to a nurse. "Room 12 Fire" says a Nurse to the Fire Ambulance Medics.

The singularity of the voices begin to muffle together and build on top of each other. One drowning out the next, becoming an indistinguishable chatter perpetually becoming louder and louder. Then a sudden silence as I slip into my thoughts and think of the perfect blog post for the day. Realizing the the irony of this moment I smirk and just like that the silence is broken. Ring Ring Ring of the nurses station phone, "Med control from Medic 13" the radio chirps "Doctor Strong to Level two North, Doctor strong to Level two north" the over head speaker alerts. The hustle returns to life in the E.R. and I go about dressing my stretcher having enjoyed my little moment of observation.

Down Time

We have all been there, sitting around in our bus at 200 hours waiting for the hand of the clock to click a second closer to the end of our shift. Surrounded by the darkness of the night, our partner snoring away and the soft gentle glow of a street light far off in the distance. We spend countless moments Stumbling through the vast emotional emptiness of the Internet, grinning at the occasional viral video of a hit in the junk while listening to the chirp of the occasional radio transmission. Watching urban nomads settle in for the night on their park bench bed's and the ladies of the night turning tricks a corner away. Maybe we sit in the confines of a station, flipping channels because we have seen the oxyclean infomercial enough to recite it by heart. Listening as the Fire Ambulance signs off yet another assault victim, we pace to the vending machines to tame a late night hunger. The hum of the air conditioner like a lullaby we fight the need to sleep some of us give in to this desire while others review yet another pile of charts.
When we are left to our own devises and are feeling rather creative we can truly come up with some great and memorable time killers. An impromptu snow ball fight employees V.S Supervisor (which I was on the receiving end of) or sledding down a hill with the backboards at the park. In the summer months we kick back and cast our lines in the river and wait for the bass to bite, or maybe work on our drive with a bucket of balls on the range. Grab a Ball and head down to the courts to play a quick two-on-two game of basketball or even a game of horse. Creating a dance atmosphere with the rigs lights and a radio station. Creating an ambulance dance which much like it sounds reenacts the unloading and reloading of the stretcher.
When it comes to the best down time I have ever had; it is hands down the simplest yet most gratifying moments of sitting around the kitchen table in the station late at night telling stories and rolling off each others jokes. Standing in the kitchen reenacting the story of "The Ambulance Chaser" or chuckling over our Brit and his love of Quiche and meat pie's. Laughing at NH's cat book page only to have NH unable to sarcastically defend his love of cats/ Reminiscing about old school toys like lawn darts, Pogs, and intellivision and than having to explain to the nineteen and twenty somethings what they are. Explaining how it really was a lady on a horse we got directions from, and how much better things really are on this side of the river.
The kitchen table talks have to be the greatest time to bond amongst the crews in the station. Interweaving our personal humors and sarcasms into a gut wrenching conversations. Only to be interrupted by the inevitable squawk of the radio...County: "Have a rig for the city"....Dispatch: "That's affirmative"....County: "stand by one"
Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie