Chuck & Ralph

"County to Medic Four recieving reports of multiple patients reporting Vomiting and other general illness symptoms we are starting additional units and the Fire Department for a possible CO2 condition in the residence" "Medic Four copies, we are two blocks away we'll advise additional upon arrival" my partner chatters.

We see patients from 200 yards away, arriving on scene Patient One & Two are at curb side puking their metaphorical brains out. We call out "Medic Four on scene, will advise the situation" over the radio as I step out and avoid pools of stomach content all over the side walk. The first two patients in agony but breathing we quickly survey for additional bodies. My eyes sweeping the area I catch movement inside the front door, I advance as the faint sounds in the distance of help can be heard. I bend down unsure of the nature of the environment and upon arrival to the door way I am presented with patients three, four, five, and six. They are all inside the front door in what appears to be a common living quarters. All of them also spewing out every last bit of stomach contents they had, though these chaps were all civilized and using various forms of buckets. "If your able to exit this building and come outside" I yell over the sound of the arriving cavalry. All four stand and walk towards the door. "Are there any others in the house other than the four?" I over hear my partner asking patient one and two. They point to the fenced in side yard where I now turn and head, getting to the gate I go to unlatch hearing:

"I think the Clams were bad Charles!" 

"Oh my! Don't even say that word, it'll make me sick again Raphael"

"Why did you have to cheap out on the seafood of all things Charles"

"County from Medic Four, Be advise we have eight patients all out of the residence this appears it could be food related. You can down grade all remaining medic's response to non" I chatter as I direct the two remaining patients out front. The Fire department pack's up as I tell the lieutenant of the possible food illness of all the patients. My partner has all but the last two triage'd and handing them off to various rigs. I direct Charles and Raphael to our rig and sit them down. Assessing them and listenting to the story I hear of a fun get together amoungst friends and them sharing steamed clams and telling of days past. All only to be strickened by food poisoning a few hours later.

Only as I return to service do I realize that This would be a humorous story realizing my Patients names were Chuck and Ralph!

Be Safe

Ambulance Junkie

"The Kings of EMS"

A list I found posted at the station house that pays tribute to a piece of history.

Top Ten reasons Johhny and Roy are "The Kings of EMS"

10) All of their patients lived happily ever after.

9) No One ever puked three 40's of malt liquor all over their shoes.

8) They Never went anywhere, even into the hospital, without their goofy fire helmets.

7) Only Johnny and Roy could get a call for a naked babe in the bathtub (with her toe caught in the spout) and not get aroused.

6) They always got all of their IV's on the first shot, even on a 104 year-old blue hair with no veins.

5) BICARB! BICARB! BICARB!

4) Who else could say "Hey Doc, he needs a shot" and actually get an order for 10mg of MS?

3) They survived all of Chett's fire house cooking.

2) They never had to do a fourth floor carry-down.

...and the number one reason why Johnny and Roy are "The Kings of EMS":

1) The way they could always cath the light just right and make a little rainbow when they were flushing a syringe for a medication administration.

The Yoda kid

"Medic Nine respond with the police to the school with out walls for a child having behavioral out burst" The radio squawks "Medic Nine copy's en route" I chatter back. Pulling up on scene we exit the rig and pull our stretcher out. Wheel it up the ramp and through the main doors, we follow the staff down a hallway past heavy thick steel doors slammed shut. The children glaring through the glass encrusted wire windows with a teacher valiantly trying to educate them. The echo of our foot steps trailing down the hall we are presented with a wall of staff members standing awaiting our arrival along with an officer. "he's not violent but somethings definitely going on that I think your better off handling" the officer says. As the staff parts allowing me to pass, the last of which opens a large door as if for royalty. My eyes adjust to the dimly lit room, the walls with white padding from top to bottom all inked up with sketches from inhabitants pass. The single browned out light bulb in the room is surrounded with a cage lined with dried snot and spit. In the shadows in the far corner my eyes lay sight to a young dark skinned male huddled down. I approach cautiously.
This young man looking at me begins to speak "What looking at are you" "Excuse me? Whats going on today man?" I ask in wonder. "Do you understand the language of the Jedi not?" the boy asks. I turn to the officer in confusion and disbelief. "yeah I don't really have authority to transport here, so that's where you come into play" Says the officer.

Lucky me I think as my partner and I take this non violent young student on our stretcher and secured him with leg lap and chest straps. As we roll the patient out of the building I ask the typical questions like his name, if he is having any complaints, and SAMPLE history. The patient looking at me states "Yoda ki-adi-mundi, my name is. Yes, hmmm. No concern of yours, the rest is." At this point we have loaded our young Jedi Master into the rig, his sudden psychosis or his possession by a fictional character I test his devotion to this act ir the seriousness of the situation. "So you said your name is Yoda Ki-Adi-Mundi right? Like Yoda from star wars huh? than explain to me why are you taking a Jedi Master of an unknown species and combining it with a complete seperate Jedi Master?" The Patient looking at me begins to have the slight enjoyment wash off his face, "well...well....Your Mom!" the patient shouts. "So that easily you've given up your little game huh?" I ask, "I was expecting more, I mean as elaborate as your escapade was to get out of school you could at least sell it to me" "PING" my cell chirps as a text from my partner comes in. I glance quickly reading: you just Jedi Mind tricked his ass! 

The rest of the trip in was rather uneventful. Taking vitals and grabbing what little history the kid felt like sharing. I understood this kids desire to get attention, his outward cry of desperation. It wasn't a long ride into the Hospital, I don't think a two hour trip would have allowed this kid to receive enough time away from his inner demons. Pulling the stretcher out of the rig with our young Padawon in tow we enter the ER. "Afternoon folks, Let me introduce to you my young patient....Yoda Kid, He's been acting out today and is in need of a Psych eval." Glancing out of the corner of my eye I wink at my young troubled person. He smiled back and continued on his way, "Yoda the great Jedi master I am." The staff none the wiser.

Be safe
Ambulance Junkie

The ugly truth

"I don't know how long she's been down" says the bystander. We enter through the doorway into the room. We behold our patient, a Lincoln Continental sized woman. The lifeless body buck ass naked on a mattress that was dwarfed by her size. The inner concern arises as we conceptualize a way to extricate this patient. Is this even possible? There is no way the two of us can move her. I couldn't even believe she would fit through the door way.

"She wont even fit on the elevator" my partner whispers. "Not laying down" I whisper back. "so we put her on the elevator car 1 and hit the lobby button, than jump in car 2 and race to the lobby?" my partner suggests. "are you kidding my? I'm not taking the stairs!" My partner looks at me holding back the laughter "how does you taking the stairs come into the equation?" he mutters, "I don't know, I was feeling confusion, We have a job to do" I say as I enter the room leaving my partner in utter confusion.
We approach, placing the monitor on the floor, and begin our assessment. A truly mute thing at this point. Neither of us are truly thinking this is a viable option for resuscitation, but relying on training we proceed with the steps to confirm. I chirp out a quick radio transmission of an additional truck and the police to the scene. My partner places the four lead on and glances at the monitor, while I throw a set of defibrillator pads on our patient. The Monitor reads Asystole yet her body is still slightly room temperature. We debate our options in the room more for show. We point out the lavidity in the legs and arms setting in, the staff unable to understand the words coming out of our mouths. We pack up and await for the police officer to take over the scene. The instant sign of relief washes across my partners face.
We as EMS providers are imagined as super humans. We arrive on scene and are expected to save a life. We are supposed to operate with no emotion but show compassion. We are supposed to be confident in our ability to over come the largest of obstacles, some times though our human nature and concerns get in the way. We are only human after all, we have our own ways to cope with the dismal and dark side of the world. We often dont deal with people when they are having a good day. EMS typically wont be called until a persons day turns to crap, and we must remain light hearted in order to continue in this job.

Be Safe

Ambulance Junkie

Stop and Listen

The first call of the night went smoothly, and I find myself in the Emergency Room cleaning my stretcher. I begin to listen to the sounds around me and become very enthralled by them. Listening to my personal orchestra I take a moment to enjoy the smallest of pleasures.

Swoosh swoosh of my hand wiping down my stretcher, I listen as a doctors introduction gets drowned out as a passer by talking on her cell with an angelic southern draw "Hello, I'm Doctor..." "Ya, so I ain't to shur but I reckon he'll be admitted" Trailing off as she walks down the hall. "This is the stethoscope and it goes here on your chest to listen to your lungs" the doctor tells his young patient. Click Clack, Click Clack, Click Clack, As Miss registration walks down the hall giving me a sweet hello smile. Beeeep, Beeeep, Beeeep, Beeeep of a patients monitor alarm telling the staff of problematic vital signs. Squeak-squeak-Squeeeak, swoosh woosh woosh woosh woosh the trailing off of the passing environmental services cart wheeling by and the sound of sticking shoes from the cleaner walking behind.

"Hey Boy" says one of my favorite nurses, "How are you stranger" "Hey girl, I'm good, what are you doing on still?" I ask "I'm here till 1900" She says in passing. Click-Clack Click-Clack, as Miss Registration passes by while returning to her station. Ping as my phone receives a text, "Hi, I'm from radiology. I'll be taking you for an X-ray" Says a tech "Excuse me, Nurse" a patient yells out, "OK, so the CT scan came back negative..." states doctor to a nurse. "Room 12 Fire" says a Nurse to the Fire Ambulance Medics.

The singularity of the voices begin to muffle together and build on top of each other. One drowning out the next, becoming an indistinguishable chatter perpetually becoming louder and louder. Then a sudden silence as I slip into my thoughts and think of the perfect blog post for the day. Realizing the the irony of this moment I smirk and just like that the silence is broken. Ring Ring Ring of the nurses station phone, "Med control from Medic 13" the radio chirps "Doctor Strong to Level two North, Doctor strong to Level two north" the over head speaker alerts. The hustle returns to life in the E.R. and I go about dressing my stretcher having enjoyed my little moment of observation.

Jersey'd

The argument, as with so many, began out of complete nonsense and often over looked the crowning of a legitimate winner. These arguments would begin in the early morning and last most of our shift, often forgetting the original reason we were bickering. Fly Boy and I would so often find ourselves debating such things as the best color for the sheer enjoyment of arguing. Knowing that it is was truly a matter of opinion we would shout off meaningless facts in order to convince the other our side was the best.
"I'm just saying that if zombies did attack, a bag full of guns is far much better at defending your self" Fly Boy would say. "are you kidding me! Reloading would leave you vulnerable and open for an attack" I would counter
While amidst a heated debate we fell into a stalemate neither of us budging. Both of us refusing to back down from this particular debate we had to change means of persuasion, and that would result in the most dangerous move ever to occur in a moving vehicle.

I started with my typical means of threatening to kick Fly Boy out of the rig on the highway countered with Fly Boy grabbing the steering wheel and telling me he would put us in the median unless I agreed. Well what better to counter his attack then unbuckle his seat belt and state "you feeling lucky with taking it into the median being unbuckled?" Then with out warning Fly Boy reached over and grabbed my hooded sweatshirt pulling it over my head. As if in the NHL, Fly Boy Jersey'd me in the middle of the highway with no hesitation.
"WTF is this!?!? Are you retarded?" I yell out. "I didn't feel I had much of an option" Fly Boy replies. In order to counter his alpha male attempts of convincing I yell "This is the way its going to be?" and slam on the Gas pedal. "Oh My God" Fly boy screams laughingly. Being surrounded by darkness and speeding away I begin to laugh pulling the hood off my eyes. "Is this what you'd do if Zombies attacked?" I say as we pull off the exit. "Why did you accelerate? we could have crashed?" Fly Boy yells, I turn my head and smile replying "But we didn't, did we?" "ok, ok, Your crazy enough that if Zombies attack I'd be in your fox hole guns or no guns" Fly Boy states while trying to calm his shaking nerves. I smirked knowing I won this argument.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

His plan

The rig sways side to side and the ever harmonic rhythm of the road bumps lull the patient to sleep. The dim burn of the fleeing highway lights as we exit from humanity into the dark all consuming night. The rural road with no help in sight is an eerily motionless place. A glow resonated from the rigs dashboard the only continual light source. Our head lights barely lighting an area before we catch up to them. My eyes Pier through the darkness at the solid mass of which is my patient, the only movements of his road induced slumber are an occasional arm twitch. Deep inside I know he could be preparing to make his move, to throw off the belts and head for the doors. Accomplishing his plan, his escape from the troubles. But for the time he lays still and I lay in wait. This would not have been the first try a patient has made, nor the first success. I must stay vigilant in the dark, I will not let it happen again.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

Wielding a knife and wearing an Eye patch

*Cell rings*

"Hello"

"...WHAT!"

"Was it the cat?"

"ok so does it have a tail?"

"well whats a small tail?"

"...OK....OK...Hunny...Hunny....OK...You have to...You have to relax...Hunny"

*hangs Cell up*

Fly Boy looks at me in wonder, "So, That the Wife?"

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. I pick up the Mic and request personal detail to my residence, Dispatch hearing my tone grants the request and asks for a 10-21. I call in and advise of a possible animal in the wall of my basement. "No, the wife was freaking out!" I state "it'll be real quick I'm sure its probably just a mouse." We head towards my house not knowing what would be in store for us. Fly Boy riding shot gun and Mini Medic in the back we head to south mountain.

We get on scene and enter the residence, the caller standing on the stairs peering around the corner. "Hey doll" I utter kissing my wife on the cheek "whats going on" "SHHHHhhhh...look it's right there" she says timidly as though not trying to startle a predatory creature on the verge of attacking her. As I glance past her shoulder I see my newly hung dry wall laid to waste by claw and tooth marks, with a rotund grey mass sticking out of the wall from a hole. Ever so slowly I proceed forward, step by step, my eye never moving from this unknown creature.

"Stop" Fly Boy whispers halting me in my tracks and sending goose bumps through my body. "Don't you think we need weapons to protect our selves" He mutters to me. "Yeah, tools" I say, grabbing the first thing in arms reach; the Pick Axe, Fly Boy grabbing the shovel, and Mini Medic grabbing a plank of wood no larger then his four foot five stature.

"What is that Mini" Fly Boy chuckles

"What!?!?!?!?!?, its the only thing left" Mini says sarcastically.

Moving forward towards this unknown creature we make a strategic plan of attack. Not knowing what the bundle of drywall destroying fur even is, we plan a quick and precise shot in the dark, a strike of the pick-ax to end the creatures life. Hesitantly I prepare for this task, tapping the blade end on the wall as though I were a skilled demolition expert. I pull back the tool over my shoulder and with a sudden thrust forward, through the wall, where we presumed the creature to be, the blade crashes. Sitting in wait for a shriek or cry, we hear nothing, I pull the pick-ax from the wall expecting a stream of blood to flow through the hole. Now noticing neither the dying cries or blood one can only suspect one thing; a perfect shot. Leaning in for a closer inspection I see no dead animal.

Without warning, a groundhog the size of a Life Pak 12 leaps from within the depths of the newly made hole. As if in the Matrix I lean back dodging his advance at me. Striking the ground the Groundhog heads towards Fly Boy who stabs blindly with the shovel while lifting one leg as if to help his thrust's. Weaving through every attempt the groundhog sets his eyes on Mini Medic, charging full speed he darts through Mini's legs and into the pile of stored Christmas decorations. Mini lets out a yelp and throws his plank across the room.

"What was that Mini?" I ask

"I panicked" replies Mini Medic

By this time My wife has already contacted Dispatch in hopes of getting an expert to the scene before her house falls down in shambles. To our surprise County was contacted who then sent a Deputy from down town who is not exactly what you would call well versed in nature. The Deputy, never have seeing a groundhog before, readies his side arm much like he'd do for an assailant wielding a knife and an eye patch. Luckily the level headed, and much more experienced Sergeant shows up to check on in his young Deputy after the request to "dispatch" the creature within a residence was relayed over the air.

The sergeant devises a plan of trapping the animal in a spare garbage can which is executed with out a hitch. Releasing the creature across the road into the woods we decide its best we return to service and use our powers to Save Lives. For obviously Animal capture is out of our league.

As Always, Be Safe

Ambulance Junkie

He got me good!

Tonight I asked one of the medics to help me out by getting his truck mileage and service mileage for my weekly report. As I filled out the email report, I realized I was still waiting for him to bring in his numbers. I scratched my head and wondered where he was. The door opens and in comes the medic with his sticky note, "get lost" I asked, "ha ya something like that" he replied. As I glance at the sticky note I take notice that its not what I was expecting:

The note read

Medic Two Six

Service at Thirty Three Thousand One Hundred Eighty Four.

Current Mileage: Thirty three thousand eight hundred eighty five.

Now it may not seem as comical now but the fact he spent so much time writing out every number is truly priceless.


Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie

Fourth of July

It may not be a thought on many peoples minds, but there is an entire community of dedicated men and woman serving the mass public. We selflessly put our lives aside to serve, protect, and help the people of the United States of America. On this Fourth of July holiday when so many thank our military current and past for the freedoms we have may they also take that opportunity to thank those on the home front. Public servants of Police, EMS, and Fire departments who sacrifice time with family and loved ones to stand watch over while others enjoy life. We have our freedoms because of the Military and those freedoms are kept protected by our Police and Fire department, and our ability to enjoy these freedoms are saved by EMS. Thank you Military for giving us our freedoms, and to all those who have done so much for the people of America Thank you from this single voice.

Be Safe
Ambulance Junkie